Looking back at my life I can see many different roles that I have played. Some might call them phases of life. They can be defined by age like childhood, adolescence, or senior citizen. Others are defined by life events or choices like going to college, parenting, divorce, or retirement. Many times they can also follow lifestyle choices or hobbies and interests. A phase could also end abruptly with loss or tragedy in some situations. All these phases can overlap and serve to define who we are at a particular time of life. They help us identify a “tribe” of similar people who are going through the same type of phase or role in life. As a new parent, you are likely to be around other parents at school functions, parks, play dates, and other gatherings. In college, some students find identity in the many fraternity and sorority organizations. And when many of these phases end naturally when the children grow up, you graduate college, or you simply get older, it can leave you in a period of transition or a time of reinvention. Everyone is aware of the terms mid-life crisis or the newer quarter-life crisis as just part of growing up. How do some make the transition between life phases easily and others are left with a sense of loss and confusion?
I don’t think I have an answer. I will be honest and say I’ve had my share of crisis and reinvention. As much as I desire to be free-spirited and carefree about change, I still struggle with fear of change. I don’t like surprises, I like schedules, and I want to be in control. These qualities have made me very good at being a manager, a leader, and a vacation planner. However, they do not bode well with life changes. I was terrified of puberty. I cried and dreaded going to college. I had massive post-adoption anxiety and depression. I made all the wrong choices and truly lost my mind when choosing to get divorced. Even though I have not handled transitions well, I have always managed to come out of the chaos and be successful. Maybe those who make the changes easily have more faith in themselves and are quick to find new tribes? I’d love to know how you have survived your times of reinvention. Did you struggle as well?
I’m in another period of reinvention. There are a lot of things ending in my life. My daughter is going off to college. My parents are selling my childhood home. I’ve lost my corporate career to the pandemic. I’m getting closer to menopause, and my identity is changing. I’m having a hard time knowing what version of me will come out on the other side of all this change. How do I survive this one better than the past changes? Where’s my new tribe? I do have faith that I will eventually find that new version of myself, and I will love her. I’m trying to be patient as I wait for a clearer picture of what I want in this next phase of life. So far I haven’t made any awful decisions, and I’ve allowed myself permission to cry from time to time. I know I can’t rush the process. So I’m sharing my tips of how I’m going to make it through, and as a way to hold myself accountable as well!
1. Acceptance- Things are happening that I can’t control. I don’t always have to be in control. I allow the Universe to flow and try to float along with it versus fighting to swim back upstream. While some things are ending or leaving, there are many things still very stable in my life. I can accept that life is a constant ebb and flow.
2. Faith- I can find peace in having faith that someday in the future I will look back and see how these changes were meant to be. All challenges in life will teach us something and can often lead to growth. Looking back I can find many examples of awful moments that led me to be a better person, and I can appreciate them now. What seemed like a long time in the past becomes just a memory in the future, so I know this time of uncertainty will eventually end.
3. Intention- I can influence the future. I believe in the power of the law of attraction. While I might not know exactly what I want, I know how I want to feel, and I know things that I do not want. I can control the narrative. Knowing that I have some input will help me find peace during times of uncertainty.
4. Happiness- Life happens one moment at a time. Each moment gives you a choice of how to be. I choose to be happy in most of my moments. There is always something to be happy about. Good vibes will create great lives. I might not be able to control the things that are happening, but I always have control of my thoughts.
To work through these things I plan to start writing each day. Some of my writing will be here in the blog and some will be in my own unstructured hand-written journal. Have you used writing to work through your emotions, fears, and uncertainties? It really helps me slow down my mind and get the thoughts out instead of letting them spin around unchecked. Thanks for being part of my journey. I know that part of my new phase in life is being of service to others, and I hope that sharing what I learn through my own life helps you also learn something you can apply to your life. When we share that we are not perfect, it reminds others that none of us are perfect and that’s OK. I love you all, and I’d love to hear your stories of how you have survived periods of reinvention. Did you take control of it? Did you go with the flow?
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